great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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