Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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