To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
