You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
