Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
