it was like eating out sand paper
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
