I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
