I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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