I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize