Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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