They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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