I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
