Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
