i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize