If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
