Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
