I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
