Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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