craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize