I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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