Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
