Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
