You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
