Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
