My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize