I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
