the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize