one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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