me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
