He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
