I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
