is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
