Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
