I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
