I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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