this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
