how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
