guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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