Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
