im having a threesome with these popsicles
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Houston, we have a squirter
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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