clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize