Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
