The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
