Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
