We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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