If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
