One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize