Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
