This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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