I didn't shave. On purpose
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
