remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
