Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
