if you like me you must not know who I am
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
