Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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