If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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