I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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