About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're too hungover to prance.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
