he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
