I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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