I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
