Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
