This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
