Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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