I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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