they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
