You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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