i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
