She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
