Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
