I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize