Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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