drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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