Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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