yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
